Dreams Come Slow and They go So Fast
by ismisesarah
Summary: He had gone from being the first man she had loved, to the first man who had broken her heart.


The evening air was cool and so gladly received after the intense, almost suffocating heat of the day. With the evening celebrations about to get underway, the bride was thankful that she wouldn't spend the remainder of the night sweating through her bodice. It was her wedding day, the day she had been meticulously planning for almost a year, and she was hell bent on enjoying every single second of it.

Something that would have been a great deal easier if it hadn't been for him.

Jean had felt his eyes on her the entire day. Every time she turned around or threw her head back with laughter, he was always just within her line of sight. Of course he was bound to be there, he was the grooms brother and best man, but she couldn't help but feel that her wedding was a knife through his heart. He may have hurt her in the past, but she didn't hate him, and she certainly didn't want to hurt him. Despite what had happened she still loved him in a way, though not nearly as much as she loved his brother, and she couldn't stay angry for long. Not at him.

Jack had been the first man she could say truthfully she had loved. He had swept her off her feet, both figuratively and literally - he had thrown her over his shoulder in a park in Montgomery when she said yes she believed they were courting - and she'd never had as much fun in her life than in the year and a half they had been together. He had made her laugh, he had lifted her up when she felt like she had hit the bottom, and he had loved her.

But then he had done what he did and gone from being the first man she had loved, to the first man who had broken her heart.

Jean had been torn apart. She had envisioned them spending their lives together, growing old together, the whole damned fairytale. She was distraught when, in the blink of an eye, Jack had caused her fantasy of their perfect life to fall apart.

She had taken life one day at a time after that, not being able to believe that someone she had loved could hurt her so badly. She distanced herself from everyone in her life, though she badly needed comfort, something she found unexpectedly in the arms of Jack's brother. He had sat for hours and listened as she poured out her heart to him, never once judging her or berating her for the fact that she continued referring to Jack as a "good for nothin' bastard." He soothed her, he talked to her, and she eventually fell in love with him. While Atticus wasn't as exciting as his younger brother, he made her life brighter, and quickly became her best friend, fiancé, and now her husband.

On her wedding day, Jack found her sitting on the old bench underneath the willow tree in her parents garden. After having her mother parade her around as some sort of trophy for the majority of the day, Jean needed a few minutes to catch her breath before the evening began. The only place that offered the kind of solitude she wanted was under the willow tree, it's long branches concealing the madness of her wedding reception.

When Jack came under the branches, his face told her immediately that he hadn't been expecting to find her of all people there, but he sat down beside her nonetheless.

"Have you lost him already?" He asked, putting a cigarette between his lips and lighting it.

"It looks that way, doesn't it?" Jean replied, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the gentle breeze blowing through the branches. "But, wherever he is, he'll come back."

"He will," Jack answered. "He adores you."

Jean's eyes snapped open. Trying not to make it obvious, she studied him from the corner of her eye, but he appeared to be fine. She hadn't been able to detect any bitterness in his voice, so maybe it had just been an innocent remark.

For a time they both just sat there, the only sounds being Jack exhaling smoke, the murmur of voices in the distance, and the sound of the breeze rustling through the willow branches. It was as though sitting under the willow tree had transported them into the world of what could have been.

"I used to imagine this for us," Jack suddenly broke the silence. "I imagined I'd be the one taking you home as my wife. I'd wait until we had said our vows and then throw you over my shoulder and carry you down the aisle. Remember the park?" He half smirked.

Jean nodded slowly. "I do. I used to imagine the same things until..." She trailed off. She didn't want him to think there was any bad blood between them. She was over it. She was fine.

Jack loudly exhaled another puff of smoke and shook his head. "Until I was a demon and went and broke your heart." He turned to her, gazing at her with the brown eyes she had once thought she would drown in. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I'm so sorry for hurting you like that," he said quietly.

"I know you are." Jean replied, resting her hand on his arm. "And you're not a demon, Jack, you're far from it. You're a man who made a mistake."

Jack gazed at her more intently than ever before. "She _was_ a mistake, you do know that."

For a brief moment, Jean felt the same bitterness and anger she had felt all those years ago, and it was evident when she answered him. "She was my best friend, Jack," she spat.

"I know, I know," he said quietly, almost as if he couldn't believe what he'd said either. "I _was_ a demon." He sighed again and rested his elbows on the back of the bench, looking away from her into the distance. After a minute, she heard him give a humourless laugh. "The day before I'd even named our children." He turned back to look at her. "We would have had two of each. Two girls; Olivia and Isobel, and two boys; Benjamin and Alex."

Jean didn't know what to say. While she had moved on, she knew he still held a love for her, but she'd had no idea it still ran so deep. She figured that there had been other women once she got together with Atticus.

"I'd looked into moving to Montgomery so you wouldn't have to leave your family behind. We could have had a little house somewhere quiet, and the kids could have gone to school right around the corner. I think we would have been very happy, you and I." He rambled on, taking a long puff of his cigarette when he finished talking.

Rendered speechless, she rested her hand on his arm again. "Jack, I..."

He interrupted her. "You don't need to say anything, honey. You don't need to say anything at all. I'm the one who messed everything up, I'm the one who has to live with what I threw away."

"I _did_ love you, Jack. I loved you with all I had. All that could have been possible if..."

"If I hadn't been a scoundrel, I know." He took her hand in his free one. "I've never regretted it more than I did today." She felt his thumb caress her knuckles. "Does my brother make you happy, honey?" He asked her quietly, sincerely, and Jean could feel tears beginning to build in her eyes.

"He does. He's good to me, Jack, so good. He makes me happier than..." She didn't want to finish the sentence, she didn't want to hurt him anymore.

"Jean, honey, as long as you're happy then I couldn't ask for anything else in the world. Go and be happy with him. Lord knows he's a different person since he met you. What do you do to us poor Finch men, you enchantress?" He teased her weakly, squeezing her hand.

In the distance she heard someone ask "where's Jean", and she knew she had to leave. She didn't want to, she wanted to stay and talk about everything with him, tell him that she didn't hate him and that she'd always love him in a way, but she couldn't.

"Jack..." She was saying again, torn between what she wanted to do and what she had to do.

"Go," he said. "It's fine, Jean. You go. This is my penance for breaking your heart."

She got to her feet but couldn't leave until she'd given him one last kiss, until she'd tasted the champagne mixed with smoke on his breath. She felt his hand come to rest on the small of her back, and felt her tears drip down onto his cheek.

"You'll always be my girl, Jean Graham." He said hoarsely as their lips parted, and she walked away from him to start her life with his brother.


End file.
